Viewer Discretion is Advised

The images you are about to see are not appropriate for anyone. 

Crying, shrieking and shielding of eyes should occur. 

If these correct emotions are not invoked, please seek professional help. 

Take away the fur for a moment. 

It's hard, I know, but try. 

These shoes have a wonderful heel. 

Good size, good height. 

What went wrong??? 

Too much foot. 

Too much 90's-style strap. 

Too much wrap up. 

Too much buckle. 

Too much fur!!! 

Is this supposed to keep the wearer warm? 

Because, advice from someone who lives in the snow: cold-weather shoes are supposed to be CLOSE- toed. 

So ... that was the first mistake. 

And then, of course, there was the fur. 

If you can't tell, we have somewhat of a theme today. 

I call this an Alpaca shoe. 

And I call this an Alpaca HOOF. (Please refer to previous post.) 

I have pondered these shoes for a long time. 

Months. 

But I still can't figure out why anyone would do this to herself. 

I'm not talking about the hoof, necessarily. 

I'm talking about the zippers. 

Zippers? Really? 

Zippers should be used only for tall boots that are so gloriously tall and tight that there is absolutely no other way to get them on. 

We will further address the topic of zippers at a later date, but in the meantime, please be wary of them.  

I'm not sure which problem to address first. 

These shoes are hooves. 

These hooves are furry. 

These furry hooves have been paired with pants too short. 

Now, no disrespect to the socks or the jeans. 

(Well, the jeans are skinny jeans, so a little disrespect. But, please note, they are a great color.) 

The problem is that ... 

Well okay. The problem is that you should never wear ankle boots. 

I wish I could say that would solve all problems, but I realize it won't. 

Because, as I type this, I am reminded of something horrible that happened last winter. 

I saw a girl wearing - get this - boots with shorts. 

Now, I know what image just popped into your head. 

You imagined a girl with a hoodie, short jean cutoffs and Uggs. 

That would be my initial thought, too. 

But it got worse. 

That's right. Worse than the above oxymoron. 

I saw a girl in (clunky, fake leather) black boots that went right BELOW her knee. 

With them, she wore (cotton) black shorts (with a one-inch cuff) that stopped right ABOVE her knee. 

If you didn't get the mental image, only her bare knees were exposed. 

I kid you not, a tear rolled down my cheek. 

I mourned for weeks. I thought society had fallen to an all-time low. And then I talked to my sister. 

What she told me was deeply disturbing. 

She said that she had seen multiple women wearing capris with boots. 

That is not fashion. 

That is not style. 

That is weather confusion. 

That is unacceptable. 

This. It is not okay. 

Now. Let me get back to my original point, because it all ties in. 

The tops of boots should NEVER been seen if you are wearing pants. 

(Unless your jeans are tucked into your boots. But beware, as not everyone can pull that off and you must be extremely careful with both the jeans and the boots, or else you risk making your proportions look completely off.) 

Now, these shoes ... 

Oh wait. 

Those aren't shoes. 

That's just a toy horse with furry feet. 

Horses are allowed to have furry feet. 

I mean, in this particular case, it's a LITTLE gaudy, but I'm working on forgiveness. 

These, however? 

Unforgivable. 

Listen to Choose Shoes

Speak Out Against Ugly Shoes!

Ubiquitous: (adj.) having or seeming to have the ability to be everywhere at once; omnipresent

On March 13, 1964, Kitty Genovese was returning to her home in Queens around 3:30 am, when she was stabbed by Winston Mosley. Kitty called out for help and several people who heard her cries turned on their bedroom lights and saw what had happened. Mosley ran away, but then as Kitty lay dying in the streets, the lights turned off again. Mosley saw this and came back, stabbing her again - this time to death. Approximately 38 people heard Kitty's cries for help, yet no one called the police except for Greta Schwartz, who called some time later after Kitty had died. 

Shoes everywhere are crying out for help, and yet the general public is turning their back to them, assuming, much like in the Kitty Genovese case, that someone else will take care of the problem. No one tried to save Kitty until it was too late, and I fear the same tragic case for shoes. 

It takes courage to take a stand, especially for something as ubiquitous as the ugly shoes we all see walking around the streets. Redeeming the sacred name of the shoe may seem like a daunting and impossible task, but I love shoes too much to stay silent and watch their deformation with tears in my eyes. There are many things blatantly insulting the shoe at this time. Perhaps the most predominant at this time being: 

Hooves. 

That's right, I said it. Hooves. If you wear ankle boots, I'm sorry, but you just put hooves on your feet and have thereby transformed yourself into a cow. Or a horse. Of another grass-eating animal with feet that gelatin is made out of. 

There are endless problems with ankle boots, to name a few... 

1. Shoes, though beauty is ALWAYS a first priority when it comes to choosing a shoe, still serve a purpose. They have meaning in life besides making your side of the closet look much more cheery and inviting than your spouses or roommates side of closet. (Some day I might post a picture to prove this point.)

A lovely pair of peep toe pumps make your summer dress look even better. 

A gorgeous pair of Chanel Thigh High boots under your winter coat keeps you away from the dreary fate of stubby flat snow boots and chunky clothes that winter brings to most of its sufferers. 

vs 

You see my point? 

So then why, WHY would anyone think that ankle boots are justified? It's like constantly living in world of deceit.  

Cow: "Oh hey, do you like my cute new boots I got for fall?" 

Human: "Yes, I love them! Roll up your pants so I can see the top!" 

Cow: "JUST KIDDING! They actually stop right above my ankle. My feet say it's winter but my legs scream 'It's summer!'" 

There are seasons. In summer you wear white. In the winter you do not. In the winter you wear tights. In the summer you do not. In the summer you wear florals. In the winter you do not. IN THE WINTER YOU WEAR BOOTS. IN THE SUMMER YOU DO NOT. 

Boots are not belts. Belts are thrown on for added measure, (hopefully) not because you actually need help keeping your pants up. If it's a hot summer's day and you're heading out to work in your Indie dress, you don't look in your shoe closet and say, "I think I'll wear boots today ... for added measure." 

No. 

Shoes are not accessories. They are fundamentals. They are as much of your outfit, if not more, than your dress or pants or shirt. 

And, speaking of hooves with dresses or skirts ... it's not flattering. I mean, I'm just saying, not only do you now have hooves, but you also have cankles. The stop-and-start on your legs takes off inches. And really, no one in their right minds wears tennis shoes with a dress. So tell me, what is the difference? They both cover your feet (don't even THINK about peep toe hooves, that just makes you a centaur!) and then in both cases you're wearing a dress. 

Do you know what that makes you? 

A sister missionary. 

It's not okay. The shoes in this world are not okay, and they need help. 

Hooves need to be stopped, along with... 

modified hooves

Crocs

]

Don't even worry, I'll have an entire post on these 

Boots that once had potential until they cut out the toe and the back ... two vital parts of a boot

adult converse or anything that exposes this much foot that's not a heel

and ... if not most importantly ... these. Birkenstocks/Arizona sandals. Perhaps one of the ugliest, most terrible shoes to walk the earth, not to mention that their owners all-too-frequently pair them with socks. 

Not. Okay. Ever. 

So, like Elle Woods says in Legally Blonde 2, "Speak up!" 

It's the only way we can save the shoes.