Viewer Discretion is Advised

The images you are about to see are not appropriate for anyone. 

Crying, shrieking and shielding of eyes should occur. 

If these correct emotions are not invoked, please seek professional help. 

Take away the fur for a moment. 

It's hard, I know, but try. 

These shoes have a wonderful heel. 

Good size, good height. 

What went wrong??? 

Too much foot. 

Too much 90's-style strap. 

Too much wrap up. 

Too much buckle. 

Too much fur!!! 

Is this supposed to keep the wearer warm? 

Because, advice from someone who lives in the snow: cold-weather shoes are supposed to be CLOSE- toed. 

So ... that was the first mistake. 

And then, of course, there was the fur. 

If you can't tell, we have somewhat of a theme today. 

I call this an Alpaca shoe. 

And I call this an Alpaca HOOF. (Please refer to previous post.) 

I have pondered these shoes for a long time. 

Months. 

But I still can't figure out why anyone would do this to herself. 

I'm not talking about the hoof, necessarily. 

I'm talking about the zippers. 

Zippers? Really? 

Zippers should be used only for tall boots that are so gloriously tall and tight that there is absolutely no other way to get them on. 

We will further address the topic of zippers at a later date, but in the meantime, please be wary of them.  

I'm not sure which problem to address first. 

These shoes are hooves. 

These hooves are furry. 

These furry hooves have been paired with pants too short. 

Now, no disrespect to the socks or the jeans. 

(Well, the jeans are skinny jeans, so a little disrespect. But, please note, they are a great color.) 

The problem is that ... 

Well okay. The problem is that you should never wear ankle boots. 

I wish I could say that would solve all problems, but I realize it won't. 

Because, as I type this, I am reminded of something horrible that happened last winter. 

I saw a girl wearing - get this - boots with shorts. 

Now, I know what image just popped into your head. 

You imagined a girl with a hoodie, short jean cutoffs and Uggs. 

That would be my initial thought, too. 

But it got worse. 

That's right. Worse than the above oxymoron. 

I saw a girl in (clunky, fake leather) black boots that went right BELOW her knee. 

With them, she wore (cotton) black shorts (with a one-inch cuff) that stopped right ABOVE her knee. 

If you didn't get the mental image, only her bare knees were exposed. 

I kid you not, a tear rolled down my cheek. 

I mourned for weeks. I thought society had fallen to an all-time low. And then I talked to my sister. 

What she told me was deeply disturbing. 

She said that she had seen multiple women wearing capris with boots. 

That is not fashion. 

That is not style. 

That is weather confusion. 

That is unacceptable. 

This. It is not okay. 

Now. Let me get back to my original point, because it all ties in. 

The tops of boots should NEVER been seen if you are wearing pants. 

(Unless your jeans are tucked into your boots. But beware, as not everyone can pull that off and you must be extremely careful with both the jeans and the boots, or else you risk making your proportions look completely off.) 

Now, these shoes ... 

Oh wait. 

Those aren't shoes. 

That's just a toy horse with furry feet. 

Horses are allowed to have furry feet. 

I mean, in this particular case, it's a LITTLE gaudy, but I'm working on forgiveness. 

These, however? 

Unforgivable.